A page out of my personal journal, dated 3 January 2022.
Please don’t let anybody convince you that they have ever arrived.
I chose to stop. All of it.
The madness. The intensity. The insanity.
The obsessive running, the obsessive giving.
The borrowing, the poor impulsive investments.
The jumping at anything that remotely resembled a money-making strategy.
The investing in coaches who are clearly not aligned with me.
The panicked, hand-to-mouth living.
The rushed, panicked decision-making.
The stressed, pressured creating.
Pumping out content on social media the way an aggressive coach would.
Pummelling my body, pushing myself far beyond my ability to endure.
I chose to stop blindly swatting at anything and everything that looked like it could “fix me.”
I chose to stop underselling myself, over-giving my time, my energy, my oxygen,
my brainpower, my brilliance, my wisdom, my love, my expertise.
I chose to stop low-balling myself, to stop the frantic, frenetic pace, leaving behind
a massive trail of unfinished things.
I chose to stop striving, fighting, and building everything alone.
I have chosen to stop putting anything into my now—into my body, my day, my business—
that doesn’t carry the frequency of my future.
I chose. I am choosing every day. And it is bitterly expensive.
I am missing crucial information and overlooking the most important cues—about my heart,
my life, the very reason I am here. I am blind to the guiding light within me when I am
caught in this panicked, frantic state.
Tonight, I finally chose to relieve money of its lifelong role as the gatekeeper to a whole and
passionately embodied life that I know I am meant to live. I chose to impeach money as the
governor of my worth, the unlocker of love, respect, creativity, and space. I didn’t even
realise that I had given it those rights.
I chose to see the illusion for what it is and allowed it to dissolve before my eyes.
I chose to stop bargaining with money, being a slave to it, begging it, trading with it to give
me what I thought I needed:
– Miraculously Healed Parents. Emotional Support. Safety…
– Access to my power, my voice…
I chose to stop diminishing and dismissing the power of all my other treasures.
I chose to stop making them invisible and worthless in the hope that they would bring the
connections, love, belief, opportunities, networks, and phenomenal doors I’ve long been
dreaming of. I chose to stop promising myself that once I make money, then I’ll create.
THEN I’ll sing. I’ll write. I’ll show up as my abundantly vibrant, wholehearted self.
First, I’ll serve myself into complete exhaustion to make a decent income, to be accepted
by my tribe, to gain even the slightest value.
And THEN, I’ll show up! I’ll use my voice, and allow the true echo of my soul to ring out
into the Earth.